Taking time to listen to oneself

Not too long ago I decided to apply for a particular contract position. It would keep me out of trouble for a year or so, generate income and still leave me some time to write. In the course of preparing the application I had a lot of trouble figuring out what to say. Also, I had zero enthusiasm while working on the application.

I had to ask myself what was going on. After all, the job sounded perfect. Why my flatness of mood? So, since I was still ahead of the deadline, I gave myself time to simply stop thinking about the problem.

A few days later, in one of those flash moments of insight, I realized I simply did not want that contract. Not at all. I wanted to stay my course, to keep writing and editing on my own.

I had no misgivings or regrets about not throwing my hat into the ring. By interrupting the application process, I had given myself a chance to learn how I felt, without being weighed down by expectations or arguments either way.

And I feel content as I go on quietly with my work as a writer and editor.